Thought.

It is a typical Thursday morning. I'm having my spare time before my Calculus class at 10am. And just thought of visiting my abandoned blog, heeee yes it's the truth. It's been more than 3 months being called as a student in UPM. I'm so blessed, Alhamdulillah. It was a tough one experiencing all new thing and to be at this stage. Sometimes, it just made proud that I'd be able to make it here :)


Though, I am still below the line in coping up the study. Too much side that fits me imperfectly. Somehow, I felt like to give it all up. I'm too weak for all these. I don't have the strength and just feel it's gonna be the end of me if I'm still doing it. And as if you can see, how narrow minded am I? 


After completed my assignment for Titas then our project of Bakti Siswa had done so smoothly, can you imagine how relieve I was? These two thing were killing me silently and making me thinking of other subject as a bothersome for my mind. Instead, I kept on blubbering on myself telling myself why I trapped myself in this course? 


Despite Biology and Physics, Chemistry is in my first line and that is why I'm taking this course. After quite sometimes, just to love it is not enough if you don't try to blend with it. I must admit that I am quite familiar with everything I had learnt so far, but it took me quite sometimes to think the illogical thing behind it. For instant, the thing that I had learnt in Organic Chemistry, mostly part of it already set in my mind before. It is just me who doesn't want to take it further and understand more. I'm the one who is stupid. All the mechanism,reactions,formula structure and so on, come on Nadzirah! You already learnt it before, just to think about it how hard you are trying to get it more, it is much suit you with being called as moron. *sigh.


Same goes with Calculus, Physical Chemistry, Physics. Am I that stupid? As I'm trying to figure it out, it become too complicated for me to untangled all these freak. I'm too exhausted, I'm too scared, I'm too paranoid just to think if I'm not able to it.


At the end of the day, it is my parents who appear in my mind. I love them more than myself, more than anything in this world. It will certainly hurt me if I do hurt them in the future. And there is Allah. He plans so well for my future. InsyaAllah.